1a. I believe that this goal began manifested itself in my subconscious persona.
1b. I believe that this goal began by manifesting itself in my subconscious persona.
Diane Hacker's rules about past participles (27d, pg. 213)
2a.. For instance, I am constantly making use of words such as “drift”, “wander”, “switch”, and “jolted back” when describing my mind and my thought process showing that the thoughts/emotions themselves are shifting back and forth.
2b. . For instance, I am constantly making use of words such as “drift,” “wander,” “switch,” and “jolted back” when describing my thought process showing that the thoughts/emotions themselves are shifting back and forth.
Diane Hacker's rules about using punctuation with quotation marks according to conventions (37f, pg. 305).
3a. The words “jolted back” are grouped with words such as “frustrations”, while “drifting back” is associated with words such as “happily”.
3b. The words “jolted back” are grouped with words such as “frustrations,” while “drifting back” is associated with words such as “happily.”
Also from Diane Hacker's rules about using punctuation with quotation marks according to conventions (37f, pg. 305).
4a. As opposed to my current representation where I depict the long drive and my thoughts in ways such as, “There’s a long road ahead seemingly straight, but causes my mind to wander in twists and turns, thoughts of fate.”
4b. My current representation, on the other hand, where I depict the long drive and my thoughts in ways such as, “There’s a long road ahead seemingly straight, but causes my mind to wander in twists and turns, thoughts of fate,” is a lot more appealing to the audience.
Diane Hacker's rules about sentence fragments (19, pg. 148).
5a. The general appearance of the poem comes across as very “stream of conscious”-like based on its specific diction and structure combination.
5b. The general appearance of the poem resembles a stream of consciousness narrative because of its specific diction and structure.
A mixture of DIane Hacker's rules about empty/inflated phrases and simplifying the structure (16c and 16d, pg. 124-126).
6a. I do not allowing myself to think and edit my thoughts to alter the persona that is truly occurring which happens to be the positive perception flow with traces of slight negativity (i.e. oww representing a negative thought in general which I take and twist in to a positive thought by ignoring that possible negative reaction.)
6b. I do not allow myself to think and edit my thoughts to alter the persona that is truly occurring which happens to be the positive perception flow with traces of slight negativity (i.e. oww representing a negative thought in general which I take and twist in to a positive thought by ignoring that possible negative reaction.)
Seems like a subject verb agreement discussed in Diane Hacker's Rules for Writers (22, pg. 175-181)
7a. Looking at the structure of the text in terms of the form of writing I used to represent it, also demonstrates a flowing nature of my life perspectives.
7b. Looking at the poetic structure of the text, also demonstrates a flow of nature of my life perspectives.
Diane Hacker's rules on wordy sentences, simplifying the structure (16d pg. 125-126)
8a. This poetic description more accurately and beautifully depicts my actual feelings and thoughts, and appears to flow in and out of the positive and negative more readily than a narrative would.
8b. This poetic description more accurately and beautifully depicts my actual feelings and thoughts as it appears to flow in and out of the positive and negative more readily than a narrative would.
Diane Hacker's rules on Unnecessary commas between compound elements that are not independent clauses (33a, pg. 285)
9a. Through analyzing this piece of text, such as, the diction and structure used subconsciously, I realized that I was truly representing my struggle at the time between positive and negative perceptions.
9b.Through analyzing this piece of text, such as the diction and structure used subconsciously, I realized that I was truly representing my struggle at the time between positive and negative perceptions.
Diane Hacker's rules for Unnecessary commas (33h, pg. 289)
10. In paragraph 2, when looking at Diane Hacker's rules about Evaluating arguments and tracing causes and effects (48a, pg, 374), I realized that if I explained why the flowing persona was necessary in causing the positive outlook discussed in the thesis, it would have worked better and made more sense as to why I used it.
Through the process of this activity, I took a closer look at my writing and realized general areas and mistakes that seemed to repeat as opposed to just being typos. Also, it helped me look deeper into my writing and figure out how I can improve it and where it is stronger. In addition, by using the specific rules provided by the Hacker's Rules for Writers, I was able to realize the similar mistakes that could be made so that I can avoid, not only the exact mistakes I made, but other similar ones in the future. Overall, although I felt this activity was tedious while doing it, I realized how much it actually will help my writing.
I think your analysis is very thorough and it seems clear that you benefited a lot from this activity. Specifically, I thought it was good how you evaluated not only grammatical errors but also the content and sentence structure, etc. Also, your conclusion to the blog makes sense, which is hard to me to do at least..
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what I would recommend, although the logical next step would be grouping these 19 things into 3 or 4 main groups - for the sake of making an essay out of it (although this is surely no eye-opening feedback, I understand).
Overall, very good! I was impressed by your attention to detail!
Adrienne